Few things in life are as painful as the loss of a loved one. Many people think of “loved one” in the human sense - a spouse, parent, child, brother or sister, or close friend. For a pet owner the term has a wider meaning. When you love animals, a loved one can be any creature that shares your life and love.
For many people, a pet is an integral part of their lives; there through good times and bad, never judging, never complaining, never critical; ready to enjoy the good times with you, and comfort you during the bad times. During times of personal turmoil - the death of a loved one, a failed relationship, loss of a job, personal illness - the one constant, true friend is often the pet who asks nothing and wants only to love you.
A relationship with a pet can last 10, 15, even 20 years in some cases, and during this time the pet is a constant part of your life. The end of a close relationship like this can leave a huge void, and can be extremely painful and difficult to cope with. Much of a pet owner’s daily routine revolves around the pet; walks, feeding, play, grooming, and just being there together are a part of life, and now there is a large empty spot where the pet once was. The first time a person loses a pet is often the hardest; many people are unprepared for the depth and range of emotions they experience.
The bond between pet and owner does not have to be a long one in order to be a strong one. In many cases it only takes days, weeks, or even minutes for the bond to develop. In many ways, the loss of an older pet to a natural death is easier to accept and cope with than the unexpected loss of a young pet to illness or accident. Losing a young pet to an incurable illness can leave you feeling pain, frustration, and helplessness over the unfairness of it all. If the pet is hit by a car or dies in some other accidental way, guilt may be added to the pain and grief the owner feels, as he blames himself for allowing it to happen.
However the loss occurs, grief is something we all experience over the loss of a loved one, and a pet is no exception. Grief is normal and natural at a time like this, and should not be denied or repressed. The intensity of feelings and the length of time grief lasts varies from person to person, and each of us must deal with it in his or her own way.
Some people experience a feeling of sadness and loss over the death of a pet which lasts a relatively short time, and then they move on. For others, the loss can be devastating, and their grief involves all of the emotions and doesn’t seem to end. The absence of the pet is a constant reminder of the hole in the person’s life, and renews the pain. Coming home can be so painful that reasons are found to stay away.
Most counselors agree that the first step in coping with grief is to acknowledge it. Get your feelings out and let them run. Don’t be intimidated into feeling embarassed or ashamed about what you are feeling. Cry, be angry, talk to someone who cares and understands. In this case, friends who have pets or are animal lovers may be the best choice. Many people are uncomfortable discussing death and grief, and are not very good at it. A well meaning but verbally clumsy friend who says the wrong thing can make you feel worse. A person who has never had a close relationship with a pet may not understand the bond between a person and a pet, and dismiss it as just an animal. Clergy may be able to help, and can be a great comfort when the loss is a person, but most have no training in this area.
Veterinarians are caring people who know how deeply the loss of a pet can affect a person. Your vet knew and cared for your pet, and may be of help. The staff at your vet clinic are animal lovers and most have lost a pet and know how it feels. Sometimes just talking about your pet and what you are feeling with someone who is also grieving or who has lost a pet can make you feel better.
Putting your feelings on paper is another way to let them out, and it allows you to express feelings you might feel uncomfortable talking about with another person. A eulogy for your pet, recording all the good times you had together, and the wonderful things you remember about him, will help you concentrate on the relationship you had, and dwell less on the the pain you are feeling over your loss. Writing a letter to your pet, telling him how much you miss him, how angry you are that he left you, how much you loved him, and thanking him for the years of pleasure he brought into your life, along with anything else you feel and want to say, can be a way for you to sort out, express, and understand what you are feeling. It can be one page or many pages, and can take an hour, days, or even weeks. When you have finished, you will have had a personal, private, and cathartic experience, and will be much nearer to closure.
There are professional grief counselors available who are trained to help people cope with the loss of a pet. In many cases they can offer advice and insights that may provide the answers you are seeking. Your vet or local humane society may know know where you can find group counceling or a support group in your area.
